I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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