soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
