Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
