I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
