mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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