my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize