i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
