Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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