Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
