i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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