alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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