Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
