I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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