why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
