UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
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