i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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