you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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