just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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