i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
