I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
