Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
