I don't usually arrange sex via text message
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
