My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize