so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
