Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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