I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
