You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
