can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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