well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
