you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
