someone threw a dead crab at me
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize