ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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