omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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