i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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