i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i think i have two assholes
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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