i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
