The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
