It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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