I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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