We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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