hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
