The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
