he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm having to shit out rocks
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