just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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