i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
