is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
