So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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