One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize