I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
