I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
