I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
