A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
