you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
