I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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