It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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