i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
