i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
