Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
