sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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