its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
