it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
