At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
