I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
