Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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