12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
