TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
