Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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