If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
