I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
